I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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