two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
two words: eviction party
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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