He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
