His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
