i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
