can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
