Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
