Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
