Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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