my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
