I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
