You're completely useless in the revolution.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
