He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
