I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
