I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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