2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
