the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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