just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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