My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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