you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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