Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
