I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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