ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
