he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
