We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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