Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
