just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
