He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
