i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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