I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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