how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
