She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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