Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
