I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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