I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
