Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize
