He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
