Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
