Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
