i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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