I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
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