I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
