If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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