Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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