so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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