i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
