I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
