the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
