There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
