I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
