When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
