Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want nice things and good sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
